y do i feel so screwed up now.. dear has been right all the time.. maybe i m really sick.. trying to be close to everyone or trying to make a good impression out of myself.. but in the end, due to all the busy schedule, i missed out more, and disappointed people, and also myself..

guilt no 1.
too tired and couldnt wake up to go and pay respect to my grandma.. i already promised myself, and also my dad that i would want to follow him, but due to certain reasons, (which i m guilty abt) i couldnt wake up.. and just now, got scolded by my mum.. yeah.. great job...

guilt no 2.
wanted to pack my room, pack my wadrobe, play my ukulele.. and yah.. no time.. too lazy.. too tired... EXCUSES... whatever.. and now my dad is super angry with me.. yup, great job no.2..

guilt no 3.
exercise? keeping a healthy lifestyle? yeah right.. never happened.. pls don follow my footsteps.. bad for urself ultimately..


seriously, i need to set some rules and restrictions for myself..
1. SELF-DISCIPLINE..
2. SELF-DISCIPLINE..
3. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AGAIN.. seriously.. there might be some problems with me, but i dono. haha.
4. TO JUST BE MYSELF.. TO WORK HARD. TO BE MORE PRODUCTIVE.. AND TO DO WELL... stop being so blur in school.. and to plan my time well.


dear..

i am sorry, i know i disappoint u time after time..
thank you for bearing with me all the time..
sorry for making u worry abt me..
thank you for letting me know that there is someone who truly accept the way i m.. and is willing to accept it..
i love u..



to my parents (i guess they will not read this)
i m sorry.. for not spending enough time with u guys,, and making u all angry and disappointed in me...
i will grow up, and take on more responsibilities at home..


y cant i be cool and not care abt what others say abt me??
i hate myself for being so insecure arnd people...


*sheean*
apologise for the emo post... 10:46 PM