been crying..
been shedding tears till my eyes are swollen...
i hate been a weakling...

been feeling like i have reached the lowest point of my life within these few months..
indeed, i am tired.
indeed, i am helpless.
i wanted to shout so badly.
i really need someone to talk to..

thank you ah mei jie jie..

i want to sleep so badly.
to the point where i hope i don't need to wake up and feel all the stress..


*i will not forget the promise we made..*

sheean 9:08 PM



haha.. i guess i don want to care about whether if there are still people coming to my blog already.. is just going to be a platform where i record my feelings down.. i used to write diary.. and i loved it (i still love it now) but is just that i have been holding on to my pen, doing endless amount of work that i think i will chanced upon any opportunity to NOT hold on to a pen.. haha..

i went to read qian hui's blog before i blogged. and i feel motivated to study..
quoted from her blog(quoted form yi fang's teacher) "a break could give you a break, or it could break you." YES. THIS SHOULD BE THE MOTTO OF MY LIFE NOW. don even think about a day when i can just forget about my mountains of work and enjoy myself.. i even feel guilty now for harbouring the thought of watching "inception" (BUT I DO WANT TO WATCH IT BADLY)..

i even feel stupid for falling sick and unable to hand in my ionic equilibria to miss theresia.. i think i really went crazy that day during chem lecture,when i went into the lecture hall without doing ANY of the qns.. I FEEL DUMB FOR FALLING SICK. i almost broke down during lecture and i think cheryl and mabel were shocked. i did break down on sat though, when we had poisson maths test, when there are just so many things which screwed up.. thanks mabel and yi jia! for being there at that point.. ;)

i dont want to think about u-turning.
i want to graduate with straight As...
i want to get into the course that i want..

but reality is harsh.
and the route ahead is tough.

i m glad that i still have true friends in school that mae me laugh, and those friends that i know who will be with me no matter what (yes qian hui, even though u still have ur yi fang :P, haha) and those who know who u r.. :) THANK YOU!

to my parents: (probably they will not get to c this in their entire life) i know deep down,u still disapprove that i m in a relationship, but trust me, my results has nothing got to do with it at all. i only have myself to blame. and is all too late. i m responsible for my own grades, but trust me, i did put in my hard work. and now, im even more prepared to do it. perhaps the end result is not what u want, but at least i know i have given it my best. i know u-turn is not an option,and i will not make it as an option for me till alevels, but if it turn out to be the wrong way...i know how much u care abt "face value", then i am sorry, if that is going to happen, i brought u shame..

*sheean* 10:59 PM